I normally don’t get too personal when it comes to blog posts. I understand that if you’re reading anything on my blog, it’s because you want to find out what’s going on with my vampires, elementals, or shifters. This is not a post about any of them, so if you want to stop reading…now would be the time.
However, I need to vent somewhere and I’m tired of blowing up with a range of emotions on my facebook page. Please bear with me…I just need to get it off my chest.
Life is full of amazing and wonderful things: Like friendship.
But life is also full of heartbreaking things: Like losing said friendship.
I am no stranger to loss. I’ve lost my share of loved ones and I’ve lost a lot of friends I thought I’d have til my dying day….but that doesn’t mean it ever gets any easier. I grieve every time I lose somebody important to me..whether I knew them for 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years….they held a special place in my heart.
I do not trust easily. I do not allow myself to get very close to people in fear of something like this happening…but I took a chance a few months ago. I befriended someone who I just thought was the most incredibly amazing person EVER (I think that about a lot of folks, actually), and I thought we had a strong friendship that would last for a long time.
Boy, I hate it when I’m wrong.
Anyway. I won’t name names or anything, but I am incredibly hurt. Not that it matters. Not that said person even cares. I’ve dealt with this situation before..and it sucks. You know..that usual scenario of “Well such and such said you said this, and now I hate you.”
I didn’t get a chance to defend myself or anything. That was the last conversation. She’s gone. I can’t reach out to her. It’s done.
But it STILL hurts. It STILL sucks. And now…I’m left with no choice but to write my feelings out in this blog post, so for that- I am sorry. I’m sure it’ll end up in a novel somewhere down the line. One of my poor characters losing a dear friend as a result of miscommunication and distrust. I DON’T trust easily and I told this person A LOT of things that I held very, very close in my heart. I thought we were bonding…ha. I guess not.
Anyway, you live and you learn-or so they say. So I’ve learned.
I’ve learned not to get that close that quickly ever again. I’ve learned never put hours upon hours into hard work for somebody and not get at least half your money upfront because stuff like this will happen and then you don’t get a cent.
I’m not even worried about money at this point. I’m more upset that I lost a friend.
So if you read this..by some off chance in the future that you decide to care and see what’s going on in my life, I just want you know that your absence has affected me more than I’ll ever let you realize, ever again. As of today, I’m washing my hands of it. I forgive you, but I will not forget. I’ll always pray for you. I’ll always care, but otherwise….what’s done is done.
So again, I’m sorry for this incredibly personal post, but I had to get it out somewhere.