Ramble, Yadda Yadda

If you’ve been following my blog for a while then you know how this post is going to go: I mean to say one thing, but I’ll get totally derailed and start talking about something else.  Please bear with me. I apologize in advance.

For the last 24 hours, I have been writing almost non-stop on Blood Resurrection, the final book in the Blood Betrayal Series.  This book has been in the making for over a year and a half and I keep pushing it off.  Why? Because I have to say goodbye to my vampires.

Believe you me, it was not a wise decision to release three different series within 2 years and then decide to end them all at once.  It’s brain suicide to me.  I’ve grown close to my characters and I hate to see them go, so I’m procrastinating.  It has to happen eventually though, right?

[sad face]

So anyway, my mind has wandered, as it tends to do, and I’ve been thinking about many different things tonight.

One thought I often have is, “Man, I suck. I really suck.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

I think that’s a thought a lot of writers can relate to.  We all doubt ourselves at one point or another during this journey.  Some of us only think it once, or if you’re like me, you think it often.

I can’t help it. It’s not that I don’t love my stories.  It’s not that I’m not proud of them–trust me, I am.  I’m so proud it hurts sometimes.  They say anyone can write a book, but that simply isn’t true.  I know lots of people , who will willingly admit, they can’t string an entire sentence together and make it make sense.

Those of us who can tell stories, we are rare.  Sure, go ahead and think anyone can write a book, but I’m telling you right now not everyone is a storyteller.

Where was I?  Self-doubt.  Right.

I do it more than I want to admit and it can be downright discouraging.  I read back through my manuscripts and go between “Oh my god, that’s awful” to “Wow, I really wrote that?  Really?

Writing is my life. I breathe writing. I live writing.  If I could marry writing?  Heck yeah, I would. We’ve been meant to be be since the day I came into the world and we will live happily ever after, but right now….

Yeah, the weird thoughts linger.  I can’t help it.  I know I don’t completely suck because I have fans.  I have readers who ask every day when the next book is coming out.  I’m trying–I swear I am, but sometimes I get distracted by pretty shiny things.  My bad.

I also understand there is room for improvement.  Comparing the last book I released to the very first one I ever published is like reading two very different books from two very different people.  This is a learn-as-you-go experience. You get better with time.  You get better with the advice you receive from others and from what readers have to say in their reviews.  (I cannot stress ENOUGH how important it is to at least give an example of what can be corrected when you leave a review. It helps TREMENDOUSLY.)

Blah blah. I’m rambling. I know.

I haven’t made a blog post in a while so I thought, what the heck? Why not?  And this is the result.  I may have almost 4,000 likes on my author page now, and I may receive high praise from people who fall in love with my characters (which I am so grateful for), but I still have self-doubt and it’s likely I always will.

I’m not perfect at what I do, but I tell stories the best way I can, as only I can.

We are all different.

I can’t compare myself to Anne Rice or Stephen King, but I can aspire to write wonderful stories just as they do–and that is exactly what I try to accomplish.

Don’t ever compare yourself to another writer because there is only one THEM and only one YOU.

Get what I’m saying?

I hope so. I tend not to make sense in these little rambles, but there you have it.

I think now is a good time to shut up, so happy reading, happy writing, happy life. ❤

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