I recently read an article from Cosmopolitan.com and it really got me to thinking.
The article can be read HERE if you are in interested, but I decided I have a few things to say about this.
I am by no means an erotic author. I don’t think I could do it to save my life, but I do include a lot of steamy scenes in my novels and I believe any good book should have at least one good love scene. Well..unless it’s a kid’s book. That’s a big no-no. Don’t ever try to do that.
Now when I say ‘love’ scene, I mean a LOOOOOVE scene. We’re talking bow chicka wow wow. I am embarrassed to talk about sex. I put Scorpios everywhere to shame with my bashfulness when it comes to the subject, but like I said, something about this particular article kicked my brain into overdrive, so I’m going to write about it now.
Family, close friends, people who changed my diapers–Do not read this. You have been warned. Let’s not make Thanksgiving Dinner awkward, okay?
1. Women climax on demand.
So the first bit of the article talks about a man saying, ‘Come for me’, and then a woman unravelling on command. Now, from my experience this doesn’t necessarily work, but while reading it can be hot as hell. There’s nothing sexier than a man giving his woman the attention she deserves and huskily whispering into her ear, ‘come for me’. Don’t tell me you don’t bite your lip when you read that. You know you do.
Before I continue, I’d also just like to remind people that erotica and fiction in general are written for a reason. We like to escape reality and the great thing about books is the fact they aren’t always realistic. Remember this picture?
My point exactly.
2. “I come undone.”
Okay, so I can agree with this one a little bit. But I also believe that stories have to be written in a way that readers can relate. If a woman is having the best sex of her life in a particular scene, the reader needs to know that. If a woman comes undone, spiritually separates from her body and floats into a place similar to heaven–that’s what the reader wants to read. Make them feel it. Show them with whatever words necessary. If coming undone is the way to do it, then be my guest.
3. Women come from penetrative sex.
Okay. I totally understand this one and I can argue it until the sun comes up. A LOT of guys probably don’t know how to do this. Some men are shit in bed–but so are some women. Am I right? That’s just common knowledge. However, when you meet the right guy who totally knows what he’s doing, it is possible to have an orgasm from penetration. If you deny this can happen in a story even though it definitely happens in real life, I pity you. I sincerely hope you meet the right man soon.
4. Women never have pain or hesitation when he wants to put something up their butts.
Again, I totally see the point to this. I could never be a fan either, but when it comes to erotica and romance in general, I believe readers want to get lost in a story of dirty passion and aren’t really into the whole resistance thing. Unless..you know..you like that sort of thing. Most readers aren’t interested in the lead female stopping the hero from burying himself within, no matter where that ‘within’ is. They want the kink. They want the steam. Now in my stories, personally, especially with my gay couples, there is always that initial sting of discomfort because that’s pretty damn realistic. I can’t speak for every writer out there, but it’s just something I do. From a woman’s perspective, anal sex is not something I have an interest in, ever. It may be mentioned or hinted at, but I have no desire whatsoever to write it out.
5. “My sex” It’s called a clit.
Ugggggh. Okay. So let’s just be honest about this one. It’s BORING when you only use the word meant for the actual thing. Do I make sense? God, help me. I hope I do because talking about this is awkward enough already. I am not that old woman from that sex show that used to be on tv at night time. Most of the time it’s hard enough to write about, let alone actually talking about it on my blog. For the world to see. *gulp* We understand that a clit is a clit just as much as we know a horse is a horse OF COURSE OF COURSE. But we have to play it up sometimes. No one likes to read the same thing over and over again. Call it a love button, sensitive nub, or whatever you want, but please don’t always just refer to it as your clitoris. Her clitoris. Whatever. Make it fun. Be imaginative! That’s why God gave us imaginations….? Probably not…but hey, we have them, so use ‘em.
6. “His length” It’s called a dick.
I will seriously be the first person to tell you that referring to a man’s penis in a book as ‘his dick’ seriously turns me off. I feel that ‘dick’ is a term men like to use and therefore should be left to the men. My preference is for cock, actually. I like using that word in my stories. Dunno why, but my point is….no. Don’t use dick. Unless you’re a man writing from a man’s POV…don’t do it. Length, shaft, tallywhacker, one-eyed Willy, steel rod, cock, sex stick…I don’t care how you word it, just don’t say dick. That’s so….plain and disappointing.
7. Men are infinitely more sexually experienced than their partners.
Not true! I’ve read plenty of stories where the women were more experienced and taught their men a thing or two. I get where you’re coming from though, I really really do. However, I think a lot of readers enjoy the story of a woman slowly coming into her sexuality with a man who knows the how-to and isn’t afraid to show her. It can be a turn-on to read these types of stories, but it can also be a turn-on to read about a woman teaching her lover the ropes of lovemaking. Either or works here. I don’t really have a preference.
8. Quivering thighs caused by arousal.
I can’t speak for every woman on the planet because we’re all different. What turns me on may not work for someone else and vice versa. However, I have been with a guy in the past who could make me tremble simply with a glance. He didn’t even have to do anything but stare and sweet heavens above, I was practically puddy. I’m sorry if you’ve never met a man who can do that for you, but it is possible.
9. Climaxing from almost nothing, like, he blows on her nipple.
If you’ve been teased long enough, orgasms are possible from the slightest touch or lightest application of pressure. If you’ve never been so turned on that the smallest thing sets you off, well, I actually feel really, really bad for you.
10. No one sees anything when sex is had in a car.
How enjoyable is it to read about Jack and Jill getting it on in the back of his car if they get interrupted by the nosey prude walking by?
*Tap tap tap* I see what you’re doing in there! Shame on you!
Nobody wants to read that. Come on….
11. Desire “pools in [a woman’s] belly.”
I have never read a sex scene in which a woman describes her arousal as a ‘stomachache”. I don’t know what books you’re reading, but desire pooling in your tummy is massive heat and electricity brewing into a storm of unbridled passion. I can’t recall coming across any of these descriptions that hint as needing a Mylanta chewable.
12. UTIs don’t exist.
Maybe I’m not digging deep enough, but I’ve never read a book in which he alternates from anal to vaginal sex in one go. I’d probably smack a dude for that, personally. But you know, this does bring up a very interesting thing I read about a while back. Did you know that readers SHUN people who actually put the use of condoms in their sex scenes? Seriously! I couldn’t believe it either and now I’m way off topic. Hm.
13. The “sex god” likes to wash her hair when they take showers together.
I do have a good argument for this. Our fictional boyfriends are MEANT to be greater than the real life disappointments most of us come across. We want a man who will treat us like the queens we are. Having a man who paints your toenails, washes your hair, brushes your hair, and gives you a back rub before sexing you up has to be the best man I can ever dream up. I don’t want to read about a dude who crawls into bed, grunts and breaks wind, and then asks me to go get him a beer. Boo on that. BOO. Let him wash my hair, damn it.
14. Shower sex is the HOTTEST THING EVER I COME UNDONE OMIGOD.
Fictional sex scenes are meant to be volumes greater than the real deal…unless you’ve got a man who said sex scenes were inspired by. I’m not a fan of shower sex, but I’m sure someone out there loves it. Let them read about their shower sex in peace.
Hey…at least no UTIs in this case, right?
15. The couple does it like seven or eight times a day and still has time to go out to eat and work at jobs.
I can definitely agree with this one…in a way. But seriously, why wouldn’t you want to read about LOTS of sex in an erotic story? Isn’t that kind of the point?
16. Women have magical orifices that are not only resistant to infections but also require no lube ever.
Or maybe he’s just that damn good and revs her engine. Some dudes can be that talented, y’know?
17. The relationship is always love/hate.
I read the comment for this one in the original post and may I just say, once again, that most of these things happen for a plotline. If people did things simply we wouldn’t have a lot of movies either.
‘Why don’t you just let one of the eagles fly Frodo there?’
‘What? And have no story? Ridiculous.’
18. She always loves giving blow jobs.
No, she does not. I definitely agree with this one. If anything, while reading erotica, I believe women should be on the receiving end more often than men. However, this is a preference. I think blow-jays (come on. Please tell me you get that reference) are totally EW. (Do you get that reference, too?) So I can agree with the original author of this article because I don’t enjoy reading every single detail of a woman going down on a man. But, again, this is just a preference. Different strokes for different folks. Readers like what they like.
19. All guys are really super excellent at finger-banging.
If the hero in a story doesn’t know how to do this, I don’t want to read about him, especially in an erotic book. Honestly. End of story. Case closed.
20. Finger-banging in public — like, you’re at dinner with his boss — is common.
I’ve never read 50 Shades (SHUN THE NONBELIEVER), nor do I want to. But there isn’t anything wrong with being spontaneous and such scenarios can be really hot in books–especially erotica ones.
21. The man always has impeccable and sexy fashion sense.
Well, why not?
22. And can dance really well at da club.
Again, why not? A man who can dance on the floor dances even better in bed.
23. His penis is always the size of a firetruck.
Well nobody wants to read about a dude with a centimeter Peter. Where’s the fun in that?
24. The characters get aroused and speak with periods. Between. All. Their. Words.
Sometimes. It’s. Just. Hot.
25. Everyone orgasms every time they have sex.
For the women who can’t achieve orgasm, whether it’s just nature’s fault or her partner’s, this is crucial in erotica. They read it for the big ‘O’, or fifty of them.
Well, there ya go, folks. I’ve written about sex and I hope it was just as embarrassing for you as it was for me. While writing my rebuttals for each point, I have come to the realization (which I kinda always knew) that erotica is meant to stir our deepest desires and bring fantasies to life on the pages of stories written by the masterminds of euphoria and bliss. This is why books such as these exist. Maybe some of these tropes are a little overdone, but I don’t think love scenes can exist without most of them.
Hm. You learn something new every day, eh?